Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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