dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
