Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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