I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
