Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize