we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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