There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
