when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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