and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
