my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
