Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
