Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
