yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there was a trapeze. enough said
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize