I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
