To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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