I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
