Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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