Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
