I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
