I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
