i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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