I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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