So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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