first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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