I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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