And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
