it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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