in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
