I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
