Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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