I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
