whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
