On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
