Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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