I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
