I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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