I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
