there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize