I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
