remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
