I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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