I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
