Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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