I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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