would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
