What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
