I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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