I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
