good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
