Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
