I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
