That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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