there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
