Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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