my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
