Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Randomize
