I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
