Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
