New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
