is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
