i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
