you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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