You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
