And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize