You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
