Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Someone signed my nipple.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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