Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
