So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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